Over the years Mike has written many scripts, books and other musings. You will find some of them here.
Juppy’s first published novel, synopsis and review.
‘It’ll All Be Over By Christmas’
Newspaper series on little known stories of Disasters, catastrophes, stupidity and heroism from The First World War.
‘THE DARK SIDE OF SUSSEX’
Tales of disaster, scandal, murder, mayhem, folklore. Fiasco, origins and warfare. From my home County of Sussex!
My first novel, ’RETRIBUTION’ was written in the mid-1990’s and was a parody of true and disturbing events that occurred in the early nineteen seventies at the West Sussex village of West Chiltington.. The ‘supernatural’nature of those events at F*** Cottage resulted in an (apparently unsuccesful) exorcism The service was conducted by ‘Dom. Robert Petitpierrs’ the monk on whom William Peter Blatty is said to have based his character of Father Lankester Merrin in his book ‘THE EXORCIST’.
RETRIBUTION (‘Orrible ‘Obbs and the Goblins) – A BRIEF SYNOPSIS.
An Englishwoman’s home is her castle…or at least It should be, but when an unscrupulous Estate Agent (Realtor) swindles elderly Miss Forgetmenot out of her seaside home in the West Sussex town of ‘Bogham’, he doesn’t realise that the cottage has a number of other, ‘residents’!
They are less than pleased when their lives are disrupted and soon set about taking their revenge in this hilarious tale of supernatural justice, set in a surreal world of lucky lottery winners, unlucky cats, dodgy builders, haunted toilets…and magic!
An excerpt… Snaps, the old lady’s ginger cat has braved the hated cat-flap and the elements to go hunting for his favourite prey… fairies!
….The fairies above ground were in quite a different mood. The rain slashed into Ghisette’s face as she fought desperately for breath. Snaps had her tightly in his grip. He was oblivious to the storm that was raging overhead. His razor sharp claws had torn into Ghisette’s cloak and she was trapped fast. The cat just lay on the grass, his body extended, the white tip of his tail twitching on a half-buried tree root.
Snaps growled and pondered whether to let the fairy go and snatch her again, or just to eat her straight away. As he considered, he heard a great crash ans a splash from the direction of the pond. He did not like hearing odd sounds if he could not work out what caused them – it unnerved him.
Snaps decided to eat the fairy and go home to where it was dry. warm and quiet.
Elliel and Mirithin were struggling to contain a mounting hysteria. They taunted the cat from as close as they dared, hoping he would release his grip on Ghisette. Snaps simply ignored them. He fixed his gaze on the little struggling figure, memerised by the pulsating blue rays of light she was emitting.
The sky lit up with a blinding display of lightning. A network of white, veined light seared horizontally across the overhead clouds. It was followed by a titanic clap of thunder, so loud that the pressure from it shook the trees. The distant sound of shattering glass could be heard from all around as the thunder rumbled into the distance.
Snaps pulled his paws to his mouth. He examined the fairy closely then, with rasping tongue, he licked Ghisette along the entire length of her body. Mirithin flew across the face of the cat; she too desperately flashing her warning to the cat’s eyes. but Snap’s was oblivious to to everything except his captured prey. He opened his mouth and closed his jaws over the fairy’s head.
Elliel and Mirithin, both hovering only a metre from the cat’s jaws, turned their heads away in horror.
Then, fortune intervened.
Even as the last rumble of thunder was echoing into the distance, there was another gargantuan boom. A simultaneous flash of lightning exploded directly above the old lady’s garden, the huge forked downstroke scored three direct hits.
Firstly, the chimney-stack on Miss Forgetmenot’s cottage roof disintergrated, showering a wide area with brick shrapnel.
Secondly, the supermarket trolley in the puddle on the waste ground exploded into millions of white hot pieces of wire which fizzled and hissed through the air.
Thirdly, the plum tree near which Snaps was holding Ghisette was split from top to bottom. For a second, the leaves became incandescent stars before they burst into flame. Then the lightning travelled down the trunk, following every root, searing and burning its way deep into the earth.
At the instant of the lightning strike, the tip of Snap’s tail was lying on the half-buried plum tree root. The flash passed through the root, through Snap’s tail and fizzled across the grass.
The cat was very lucky, for although the lightning ignited his tail, his body only received a fraction of the charge. The energy passed along his tail to the point where his bottom and tail merged.
Snaps felt an excruciating burning sensation. He screeched and leapt into the air, hurling Ghisette into the wet grass as he shot off across the lawn to the cottage.
Elliel and Mirithin flew to their wounded sister. It had been a close call. Ghisette was covered in the cat’s sticky saliva – she had been only seconds from death. Ghisette struggled to her feet, grateful for the cool cleansing rain that was ridding her of the foul, mucous liquid. Seeing that she was safe, all three fairies turned to watch in amazement as a small fiery beacon trailed smoke across the lawn.
Snaps was still on fire as he screamed towards the cat-flap. He took a flying leap at it, striking the centre of the metal plate at about thirty miles an hour. The flap smashed against the top of the frame and volleyed back onto Snaps, cutting two inches off the end of his tail.
‘Every cloud has a silver lining’ so the saying goes. Well, in Snap’s case, the two inches of tail that he lost was the part hat as on fire!
Snaps rolled and tumbled into the space behind the cooker, finally coming to rest in a terrified and exhausted heap. He listened to the hissing and popping of his burning tail before fading into a coma of pain.
The storm rumbled on……
‘RETRIBUTION’ – Woodfield Publishing