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mike jupp PIRATE-POSTER
'A Genuine MIKE JUPP' 'A FEEBLE FAKE!'

PIECES OF FAKE!

A CAUTIONARY PIRATE TALE STARRING, LONG GONE SILVER!

When Covid-19 caused the ship of society to run aground, the population began to settle into the demands of the dreaded ‘Lockdown’.Effects ranged from death to zombie-like TV binge-watching, to keep-fit activity, newly acquired creative skills and, in about 9 months time, the effects of another Lockdown creation hobby may become evident.

‘Lockdown’ also saw the rebirth of the Black-Market with modern ‘Spivs’, profiteering by selling everyday necessities at extortionate prices...Remember the £30 Loo rolls? (*the toilet paper, not the singer!)

Then suddenly, a decades-old favourite received a shot in the arm. ‘Lockdown; saw the worldwide resurgence of the humble, no batteries required, JIGSAW PUZZLE

Dissectologists (Jigsaw puzzle builders!) old and new, began dusting off long-forgotten boxes or buying new ones..With shops closed, the trade-in online puzzles went through the roof! Very soon the profiteering began, especially with online reselling, popular images began selling for more than FIFTY POUNDS a box!.

My,  ‘I Love..’ series of highly detailed scenes have been produced by the leading UK Puzzle company, GIBSONS GAMES (of Sutton) for several decades

‘Jigsaw Junkies’ is the number one US jigsaw puzzle blog site.. A recent message linked me to an ‘Amazon’ site. It was selling my ‘I LOVE AUTUMN’  GIBSONS best selling UK puzzle, awarded first prize at the International Toy Fair 2017.

Among the 5 star reviews and glowing comments was a pitiful TWO star review! Worried by the unusual brickbat, I investigated the cause of the displeasure, and found it was a ‘quality’ problem. Looking closer I discovered it was a different manufacturer’s name on the product NOT Gibsons, who are renowned for their quality The company is apparently Chinese and called ‘HUNNRY’

The puzzle was cobbled together from a low-res  jpg image, downloaded from the Net..and presumably printed on some of that previously mentioned £30 toilet paper? ‘Hunnry’ also appear to be making traditional wooden versions of my work!,,I wonder what wood they’re using? Balsa?

THEN!..I received a message on my Facebook site which informed me of another bunch of Ripoff merchants! ‘CAPTAIN ALBATROSS’ has taken thieving to a new level! ‘Captain Albatross’ (A Turkish outfit) have not only stolen my imagery, they have altered it, and added other art to it! AND..they have removed Gibsons logo and added their own! Thei have also stolen my ‘Big Picture’ idea!

So! Make sure you see the GIBSONS logo on the box before you purchase! And! Don't believe the glowing reviews ..apart from my genuine ones Mwa ha!

Whoever is pirating our products, both manufacturer and artist are suffering, not just from loss of earnings, but from loss of reputation

…and THAT hurts

It’s time for the turkey to be roasted!…and the junk to be sunk!

YO HO HO!... AND A ROTTLE OF BUM!

https://www.v2radio.co.uk/news/west-sussex/world-renowned-award-winning-artist-from-bognor/?fbclid=IwAR2NuDogjlDHvb1L-tlmcUz1WN2Ot3qz_sN7HhE6EC_zbSJzmRqlpKX-z3c

Sorry about the watermarks that have appeared throughout the site, the pirates and thieves made them necessary.

Publications


Over the years Mike has written many scripts, books and other musings. You will find some of them here.

Contents

‘RETRIBUTION’

Juppy’s first published novel, synopsis and review.

‘PRATCIDENTS’! 

‘It’ll All Be Over By Christmas’

Newspaper series on little known stories of Disasters, catastrophes, stupidity and heroism from The First World War.

‘THE DARK SIDE OF SUSSEX’

Tales of disaster, scandal, murder, mayhem, folklore. Fiasco, origins and warfare. From my home County of Sussex! 

‘Retribution”

My first novel, ’RETRIBUTION’ was written in the mid-1990’s and was a parody of true and disturbing events that occurred in the early nineteen seventies at the West Sussex village of West Chiltington.. The ‘supernatural’nature of those events at F*** Cottage resulted in an (apparently unsuccesful) exorcism The service was conducted by ‘Dom. Robert Petitpierrs’ the monk on whom William Peter Blatty is said to have based his character of Father Lankester Merrin in his book ‘THE EXORCIST’.

RETRIBUTION (‘Orrible ‘Obbs and the Goblins) – A BRIEF SYNOPSIS.

An Englishwoman’s home is her castle…or at least It should be, but when an unscrupulous Estate Agent (Realtor) swindles elderly Miss Forgetmenot out of her seaside home in the West Sussex town of ‘Bogham’, he doesn’t realise that the cottage has a number of other, ‘residents’!

They are less than pleased when their lives are disrupted and soon set about taking their revenge in this hilarious tale of supernatural justice, set in a surreal world of lucky lottery winners, unlucky cats, dodgy builders, haunted toilets…and magic!

RETRIBUTION 

An excerpt… Snaps, the old lady’s ginger cat has braved the hated cat-flap and the elements to go hunting for his favourite prey… fairies! 

….The fairies above ground were in quite a different mood. The rain slashed into Ghisette’s face as she fought desperately for breath. Snaps had her tightly in his grip. He was oblivious to the storm that was raging overhead. His razor sharp claws had torn into Ghisette’s cloak and she was trapped fast. The cat just lay on the grass, his body extended, the white tip of his tail twitching on a half-buried tree root.

Snaps growled and pondered whether to let the fairy go and snatch her again, or just to eat her straight away. As he considered, he heard a great crash ans a splash from the direction of the pond. He did not like hearing odd sounds if he could not work out what caused them – it unnerved him.

Snaps decided to eat the fairy and go home to where it was dry. warm and quiet. 

Elliel and Mirithin were struggling to contain a mounting hysteria. They taunted the cat from as close as they dared, hoping he would release his grip on Ghisette. Snaps simply ignored them. He fixed his gaze on the little struggling figure, memerised by the pulsating blue rays of light she was emitting. 

The sky lit up with a blinding display of lightning. A network of white, veined light seared horizontally across the overhead clouds. It was followed by a titanic clap of thunder, so loud that the pressure from it shook the trees. The distant sound of shattering glass could be heard from all around as the thunder rumbled into the distance.

Snaps pulled his paws to his mouth. He examined the fairy closely then, with rasping tongue, he licked Ghisette along the entire length of her body. Mirithin flew across the face of the cat; she too desperately flashing her warning to the cat’s eyes. but Snap’s was oblivious to to everything except his captured prey. He opened his mouth and closed his jaws over the fairy’s head.

Elliel and Mirithin, both hovering only a metre from the cat’s jaws, turned their heads away in horror.

Then, fortune intervened.

Even as the last rumble of thunder was echoing into the distance, there was another gargantuan boom. A simultaneous flash of lightning exploded directly above the old lady’s garden, the huge forked downstroke scored three direct hits.

Firstly, the chimney-stack on Miss Forgetmenot’s cottage roof disintergrated, showering a wide area with brick shrapnel.

Secondly, the supermarket trolley in the puddle on the waste ground exploded into millions of white hot pieces of wire which fizzled and hissed through the air.

Thirdly, the plum tree near which Snaps was holding Ghisette was split from top to bottom. For a second, the leaves became incandescent stars before they burst into flame. Then the lightning travelled down the trunk, following every root, searing and burning its way deep into the earth. 

At the instant of the lightning strike, the tip of Snap’s tail was lying on the half-buried plum tree root. The flash passed through the root, through Snap’s tail and fizzled across the grass.

The cat was very lucky, for although the lightning ignited his tail, his body only received a fraction of the charge. The energy  passed along his tail to the point where his bottom and tail merged.

Snaps felt an excruciating burning sensation. He screeched and leapt into the air, hurling Ghisette into the wet grass as he shot off across the lawn to the cottage.

Elliel and Mirithin flew to their wounded sister. It had been a close call. Ghisette was covered in the cat’s sticky saliva – she had been only seconds from death. Ghisette struggled to her feet, grateful for the cool cleansing rain that was ridding her of the foul, mucous liquid. Seeing that she was safe, all three fairies turned to watch in amazement as a small fiery beacon trailed smoke across the lawn.

Snaps was still on fire as he screamed towards the cat-flap. He took a flying leap at it, striking the centre of the metal plate at about thirty miles an hour. The flap smashed against the top of the frame and volleyed back onto Snaps, cutting two inches off the end of his tail.

‘Every cloud has a silver lining’ so the saying goes. Well, in Snap’s case, the two inches of tail that he lost was the part hat as on fire!

Snaps rolled and tumbled into the space behind the cooker, finally coming to rest in a terrified and exhausted heap. He listened to the hissing and popping of his burning tail before fading into a coma of pain.

The storm rumbled on……  

‘RETRIBUTION’ – Woodfield Publishing

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